http://www.thesuccesstress.wordpress.com

I know, it’s been a while.  Some crazy things going on in the life behind A Joy In Class.  Some stuff I am not quite ready to talk about on zee blog.  And some of it, I don’t want to talk about on the blog, after reading Lisa’s post.  I remember when this happened to her, and I literally felt sick to my stomach.  I adore this girl and it was just unimaginable that this could really happen to someone with such a sweet, honest, and genuine heart — which is totally clear even if you just read one post of hers.  Everyone and their mother has a blog nowadays, so this was pretty damn scary.  I will say, it definitely affected my desire to blog on a regular basis…..which is unfortunate, because I LOVE sharing my thoughts, pictures, struggles, triumphs, and silly anecdotes with yallz.  In the new year, I am really going to get back to blogging like I used to.  I promise

So JANETHA took a cue from MELISSA and did a “three things thursday” post.  Imma keep this post short, and do the same….

Basically, if you are unfamiliar, Melissa says that thursday is a good excuse to rattle of three things that are currently getting under your skin.  Here are mine:

1) LAZY people.  And I’m not talking about lounging around on the couch watching Teen Mom. I’m talking about people who complain and then do NOTHING.  Or talk about doing something (finding a new job, losing weight, etc) and then NEVER do ANYTHING about it!  It drives me NUTS!  If you have a problem with someone or something….if you want something….if you desire change…DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

2.) People who don’t stand up for themselves and put others before themselves ALL the time no matter what. I am always thinking of others and want to please, but there is a difference between that and not giving yourself worth.  How can I expect someone to stand up for me (as a friend, in a romantic relationship, or in a business/group atmosphere) if that person cannot and will not even stand up for himself/herself?  I guess this also goes along with the lazy thing.  Lots of people think, “it’s easier if I just leave it alone.” Well guess what…easy doesn’t solve anything.

3.) I just realized those two were very general and heavy, even though they’re totally getting under my skin lately.  So I’ll keep this one light…er. My shower drain that won’t un-clog. You guys.  It’s so gross.  I gotta go get the heavy-duty Drano tomorrow.  Ick.

I am not a complainer and usually do not make a fuss over the things that get on my nerves.  It’s not productive and I don’t need that negative energy coming out of me.  BUT….I also believe that if we hold our annoyances in, that negative energy just builds up and proves cancerous.  It is perfectly healthy and necessary to let it out.  As long as you a.) at least attempt to do something about it, or b.) accept it and move forward

Whew.  That felt good.

In other news, the spin mix for my class tonight contained Supertramp, Zeppelin, Stones, T.I, Timbaland, Missy, JT, Slash/Fergie, Jay-Z…and Elton John.  I swear it worked.

Now that I’ve aired my peeves…I want to hear yours!  I give you full permission to vent, bitch, whatever in my comment section.  Or do your own “three things thursday” on your blog and comment here, so i can go check it out

tgiaf…..what a week.

Most other years that I can remember, I have had some sort of direction, some idea of what the year would bring (or so I thought).  I was tied to thoughts, feelings, jobs, paths that had already begun, and therefore acted as a springboard for where I’d go (or so I thought).

This year, I don’t have that, really.

Geographically and personally, I’m looking to find where I belong.  Where I will thrive and grow and flourish and succeed.

In the past, I’ve been happy and secure in a somewhat new-to-me apartment.  The biggest roadblock for me right now is that I need to move.  I originally moved because I needed a change, and I also wanted to be closer to work/my social center.  I left that job and therefore that social hub, and this place is just not as appealing any more.  Money aside.  So, I need to move.  Unfortunately, not to New York, like I posted about – but back to where I came from, before I moved to this little beachside pad.  It’s been a fun year or so, living in a place I can barely afford but in such a cool area, beyond my means, around people who are all at least 5-10 years older than I am and are way further along in estabishing themselves than I am.  It’s been fun, yes, but it is time to return to reality.  Around people who are going through the same stage in their lives that I am.  In a place I can afford.  Hopefully, in a place I won’t feel compelled to move out of yet AGAIN.

In the past, I’ve come off a couple huge relationships right before the holidays.  So I go into the new year still mourning, and still slightly hoping that the new year will mend our problems.  Um, nope.

In the past, as in last year, I was about to start a job I was ridiculously excited about.  New beginnings were in the air.

2010 was really, really good to me — Miracle Year fo sho.  I had an incredible job (which I had to, for personal reasons, leave in august).  I made two of my best friends (although we were friendly-friends before). I visited my brother at school in Oregon.  I shot a commercial.  I shot a pilot.  A treatment for a pilot I shot 5 years ago was sold (this means they sold the idea, based off of the short I did, and now they need to write the show itself — my character is still intact, so my fingers are triple-crossed).  I spun for three hours in the name of charity.  I ran a 10K and a 5K.  My grandfather turned 90, and he and my grandmother celebrated their 60th anniversary.  I had the best Thanksgiving ever.  I saw Jenny Lewis do a secret concert, the pre-Grammy Neil Young tribute concert, Temper Trap in concert, and Roger Waters’ The Wall concert.  There was all the Sing-Off madness.  I actually kinda kept up with this blog, and met a lot of really amazing women though doing so.  I had the courage to leave a toxic work enviroment, even though it meant I’d have to start from scratch.  I did a bunch of shoots with both cool new photographers and old friends alike.  I booked a couple shoots for some of my current favorite brands.  I don’t feel out of control around food anymore.

2010 was playful.  However, I’ve realized….in 2010, I tried really hard.  But I do not feel like I necessarily worked really hard.

A part of me relied on the “miracle” part of Miracle Year a little too often.  I kind of expected that if something was going to happen, it would happen.  I did the prep work and then put it out there for the universe.  Try-ing is different than Work-ing.  If you Try, there’s still a possibility for failure, or falling short, that you have accepted and made peace with.  I feel like I tried my hardest, but I didn’t WORK HARD to achieve whatever I wanted.

I feel like 2010 was my last year to think of myself as a “kid.”  I don’t want to think of myself as a “kid” any more; it’s crippling and is selling myself short.  I’m not talking personality-wise, by the way.  There is no way in hell I am giving up my Sock Monkey hat.  I’m talking about how I view myself in relation to everyone else in the world.

I wanted a certain job, so I tried my hardest to get it.  I did.  I wanted certain types of interpersonal relationships in my life, so I tried my hardest to attain them.  I did, but only just a little.  I wanted certain physical results, so I tried my hardest to get them.  Not only did I fall short of that, I ended up with more on my plate than when I began (no pun intended).

I didn’t WORK HARD to get any of these.  I wasn’t digging my nails in and attacking.  I didn’t have tunnel vision.  I let thing come-as-they-may….or not.

Well, you know what (I hear you asking, “what, katie!?!)?

This is the year I am not trying hard.  I’m WORKING HARD.

I need and want to move?  I’m moving.

• find a place
• negotiate a price
• enlist family and friends to help you move
• MOVE

I need and want exposure and screen time?  That road is clear and I’m going 88mph.

• enroll in classes
• use your network
• create your reel and don’t “wait until _____ is done being edited and on film”
• send that mofo out and follow up, follow up, follow up

I’m unhappy with the extra stress weight I’ve accumulated throughout 2010?  TRYING is stressful.  WORKING is not.

• stay physical and challenge yourself often
• GO TO THE MARKET instead of just grabbing food as needed
• plan out snacks in PROPER amounts and retrain yourself when it comes to what a “portion” is
• keep track of calories (like Monica of Yellow Brick Beauty [um, wordpress won't let me link, so if you haven't visited her blog yet, google it and read away ], this is something that has always worked for me)

I miss having a bunch of friends around my age to call upon and go through my 20s alongside?  Friendship takes WORK and doesn’t just fall in your lap.

• CALL, don’t text or facebook.
• make plans, don’t just talk about making them
• don’t use gas mileage as an excuse.  Gas prices go up and down.  Friendship is way more stable if you let it be.

I have the WORST sense of “budgeting” ever?  TRYING makes that $30 whatever something I “deserve.”  WORKING makes that $30 back in my POCKET time and again what I truly deserve.

• think long and hard before you buy
• Whole Foods is a sometimes place
• see the section of bullet points two sections above this.  My main downfall is buying too much food because my portion sizes are huge…and buying it from the wrong places….at a spur of the moment time…

Trying creates excuses.  Working doesn’t give excuses the time of day.

Here’s to 2011 and not trying hard, but working hard.

Change your narrative and make it happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOVE you all — see you in the new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things have been quite busy over around these parts (that’s what she said?), and I’m excited to get back to blogging after christmas is over (please, christmas, go as slow as possible….).  But I’m enjoying having my favorite boy home from oregon (my brudder. and even when I become un-single, my guy will have to fight the bro for the title of Favorite. sorry future-boyfriend.) and basking in the glow of the season.  Oh, and I’ve been running a crap-ton (outside and inside).  Which is AWESOME.  And apparently, I am loving me some parentheticals.

And with that, I am off to watch some Monty Python with the aforementioned favorite boy.

Happy Holidays, from my family to yours!

our christmas card. maybe. which will go out after christmas. we like to make christmas last as long as possible.

and from Bella, too.

and my head monkey.

our other maybe-christmas-but-after-christmas card. do i want my distant relatives and far-off friends to have their one image of me from the entire year be in a monkey hat? i can't decide.

In my dream, I was at a print agency; a pretty big one if I remember correctly.  I was in a waiting room with a bunch of other people of all types.  A couple men, mostly women.  I had a headshot and resume with me (I think?), but I noticed most people had incredibly elaborate displays of themselves.  One guy had a poster-sized laminated collage of pictures, with quotes from all his glowing reviews typed out along the borders.  One girl had maybe the most comprehensive book I’d ever seen.  I felt a little uneasy, but figured that if they wanted to represent and work with me, I was standing right in front of them….I, not a showy poster, was their product.  I was called into the room, and there was a man there (and a woman, I think) who I guess was the big-time agent.  He looked at me and my flimsy pic/resume.  He asked if I had anything else with me.  I said no.

Then he told me,

“There is no way you are going to succeed here; I don’t have a place for you.  You’re only going to get success if you move to New York.  That is where you will make it.  Not here.”

I woke up completely scared.

Scared that this dream-person might be right.

I had been feeling at a career standstill for a bit, but had NOT been contemplating New York; not even in the least bit.  So it’s not like I had been thinking about it before bed and it popped up in my dream.  Literally came from nowhere.

The thing is, when I awoke, I didn’t feel confused.  I felt like I had been given an answer.

The logistics of moving to NYC are a bit tough, but not NOT-doable.  I would probably move home for about three months, continue working and save all my money, travel to NYC with my dad (he goes on business a lot) to scope out places I could live and find a job, then move around April.

My friend/coworker asked me a very smart question when I told him about my dream and potential plans.  ”What is it about New York that you feel is different for you than it is here?”

I thought for a sec.  Smart guy.  I knew I liked him.

I came to a few conclusions……

1.) There is a homogeny here in Los Angeles that there is not in New York.  I feel like people try, and are expected, to fit the industry here instead of for the industry to fit them.  I feel as if there are a trillion of my type here in Los Angeles.  And skinnier.  Prettier.  With more “connections” (as in….fathers and mothers and uncles and sisters who can influence the casting process).  It’s just a feeling….but I feel more unique every time I am in New York.

2.) Yes, competition is fierce in both cities.  The difference is that people have become sort of lackadaisical about it here and just accepted it as “how LA is,” making it just another part of daily life here.  Jobs look down on actors and artists in general.  They don’t pay very well, and it’s almost unwise to tell a potential employer that you are an actor/musician/etc because they automatically associate that with laziness, unreliability, etc….a negative connotation.  In NYC, and I could be wrong but this is how it seems to be from what friends have told me, employers WANT to help entertainers.  There are jobs beyond the ones in which you’re earning the bare minimum, and they look at their need for employees and actors’ need for a steady income as a “help-me-help-you” scenario.

3.) I have led a pretty safe and familiar life thus far.  I went to school mere hours away, live in the city where I grew up (well, not the same area, but close enough), and my family is close by.  I feel like this is the time to be adventurous.  I am not even 25 yet.  I am not in a relationship, don’t have kids, have no real obligations other than those to myself.  The time is now; not five or ten years from now.

Also, almost all of my closest friends are in NYC.  I miss them every day.  I miss having a big ol’ group of people at my disposal, all with whom I feel extremely tight.

I also asked myself if I had exhausted all of my options here in LA.

The answer: NO.

I haven’t tried living anywhere besides the Valley and the Westside.  I haven’t begun my improv classes yet (which I’m starting in January).  I was at the Roger Waters concert last night (Tear Down The Wall!!) and am just now waking up mentally, so those are the two biggies I can think of at present.

I think I might really just be wanting to start fresh.  I don’t know.

All this being said, I would never jump into a huge decision like this without preparation.  Most likely sitch’?  The scenario at the beginning of this post.  We just got word that our property management company won’t let us keep the rent incentive rate we had last year – which is about $175 less!  I can’t afford a higher rent.  So moving is something I need to think about no matter what — whether it is home, back to the Valley, or into Hollywood/West Hollywood.  I could also check out Silverlake, which is ENTIRELY new territory to me and could fill that newness craving.  If it’s within my budget.

I am loving parts of Santa Monica.  I love the ocean.  I love my beach runs, which have gotten me running between 15 and 20 miles per week.  I love that I can avoid the freeway.

But.

Basically, I think my dream made something very clear, something that has been under the surface and I’ve been denying: I deserve more, I deserve the best choices for me, I deserve change.

As any long-time readers know, my brother Alex and I are super super close. He has always been at every production of mine, been one of the first to know after I book/film a gig, and is truly my biggest fan.

I’ve been so lucky to watch him become the amazing individual he is today (man that sounded cornball), and succeed in every single creative endeavour, simply because he frickin’ rocks, has a shitton of talent, and is the definition of a people person. To read more about our relationship, take a peek at this post from last year.

I am currently sitting on my couch with wet hair and frog slippers, so I’ve gotta cut to the chase: this summer, I was lucky enough to have him in town while he filmed The Sing Off, which premieres TONIGHT on NBC! His group, UofO’s On The Rocks (<–video of my bro talking about the sing off/the group), will be performing their rendition of Bad Romance that made them kindasortayoutubestars earlier this year, when Ashton Kutcher and Joe Jonas tweeted about them.

The Sing Off is an all-acappella singing competition, and the winner gets a crap-ton (wow, my language in this post keeps getting more and more eloquent!) of money and Sony recording contract. It is like American Idol only in that it is a vocal competition. The difference besides the emphasis on the group and not individual talent? This show focuses on the TALENT. The judges are Ben Folds, Shawn Stockman (of Boyz II Men fame), and Nicole Scherzinger (of the Pussycat Dolls, a recent Hollywood Bowl production of Rent, etc), who all truly know music and speak to the contestants, rather than the AUDIENCE, when delivering their critiques. In addition, they take the nastiness and throw it out the door: constructive criticism seems to be a thing of the past when it comes to televised competitions, but these three know how NOT to bruise egos too harshly.

This show gives me faith in the musicianship part of the music industry. I can’t tell you if On The Rocks will be advancing past tonight…all imma gonna say is…set your DVR!

The Sing Off
NBC
8pm (NOW, for some of you!)
TONIGHT
**BAM.**

(ps. my brother is the one making the janky face at the bottom right corner of the freeze frame below.)

As many of you know, at the very end of 2009, I deemed 2010 the year of miracles….or, rather, Miracle Year.  My gut is pretty strong (must be all those veggies), and this year has been nothing short of amazing.  Yes, there were some low lows, but the highs were pretty high and the miracles were abundant.

I know I’m not the only one whose 2010 was jam-packed and eventful.  Emotionally, professionally, personally, interpersonally – runs the gamut.  As December comes to a close and the curtain falls on Miracle Year, I’d like to create a sort of tribute to the miracles that were thrown our way in 2010.

Enter PROJECT MIRACLE YEAR, a little website I am in the process of creating to honor each and every miracle of 2010.  For each month, there will be a list of miracles that took place, in no particular order, listed anonymously.  My goal is to have a page for each month FILLED with miracles.  They don’t have to be big (“finally cleaned my entire closet” “had my first binge-free week”).  They don’t have to be entire-life-changing milestones (“ran a half a mile more than I thought I could” ).  They can even be things we didn’t realize at the time were miracles (“broke ties with my toxic boyfriend/girlfriend/friend” “found the courage to quit my job” “started recovery”).

We don’t give ourselves enough credit.  Really, we don’t.  365 days is not a very long time in the scheme of things, but if you sit on it for a sec….think of how much you’ve done!  My hope is that through PROJECT MIRACLE YEAR, we can inspire each other to pat ourselves on the back, recognize our potential, and spark an even brighter flame going into 2011: ACTION YEAR.

Send all JANUARY-NOW submissions AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, but by December 30th, to 
projectmiracleyear@gmail.com with the subject line“PROJECT MIRACLE YEAR” and feel free to send multiple emails if/as you reflect and remember more miracles than you originally thought occurred!

-list the MONTH and the MIRACLE or MIRACLES

-try to think of at least ONE miracle for EVERY one of the 12 months.  As many as possible! If you’re stuck and can’t think of one for a month…or four…then skip it.  If you can only think of one miracle the entire year, that’s fine too.

-all miracles will be listed ANONYMOUSLY and are CONFIDENTIAL. some miracles might be more personal than others. i need that to be ok.

-if you’d like to attach a PHOTO to a certain miracle, send that along as an attachment, and specify what miracle it goes along with (obviously, if you are *in* the picture, this is the only exception to the confidentiality. while i won’t list your name, your face will kinda be right there.  but if you, say, visited NYC for the first time and took a picture of the empire state building, then it’s still a confidential miracle. unless you look exactly like the empire state building. ok, moving on..)

-no names will be listed other than in an alphabetized list on a separate “contributors” page, by first name only (no last names). yeah, there are probably going to be about 10 “alex”s and 30 “jenny”/”jennifer”/”jen”s. it’s the number of contributors, not the names themselves, that matter.  we’re in a community, and these are OUR miracles.

The site will be published DECEMBER 31st of MIRACLE YEAR….maybe inspiring one last huge miracle before the single-digit shift into 2011….or, rather, ACTION YEAR.

FORWARD THIS ALONG TO ANYONE YOU THINK MIGHT WANT TO CONTRIBUTE….and feel free to spread the word however you’d like.  Email, blog links, carrier pigeon, pony express….

-Katie

projectmiracleyear@gmail.com

Alex, me, and my Poppy, who is 90 years old….

the girl cousins, minus one.  my cousin becky (white scarf) is getting married, and we’re all gonna be bridesmaids. for her bachelorette party, she wants to sit in pajamas and watch The Brady Bunch Movie.  With margaritas.

amazing roasted kabocha appetizer, crappy artsy blackberry pic.

it’s a cournocopia. made of bread. with little birds.  made of bread.  i don’t know where my mother found this but it was a HUGE hit.

$$-shot.

cousins, bookended by significant others, and me being an ass (um…..the maize fake cigarette didn’t really translate.)

maybe my favorite picture of the evening.  my brother is trying so hard to be patient. and then there’s becky…

me ‘n the g-units

and to finish off, what i saw from the gym window yesterday evening around 5pm:

I am so blessed and grateful to be on the path I’m on, living this life.

Wait.  Sorry.  Forgot one last picture.  Taken with my crackberry in my garage, so pardon the jankiness. This fridge has been sitting by the elevator for more than a week.  Two nights ago, I noticed someone had taped a note onto the appliance.

“The trash bin is eight feet away.

Stop being a lazy bitch and take out your shit.”

Hey, we were all thinking it.

But I have come to a crossroads…..

I have been teaching for about four years now, and while I LOVE it, I am contemplating taking a break.  Or limiting my class schedg’ to once a week.  The internet scares the crap out of me sometimes (I don’t publicize my blog outside of the blogging community, but I still have NO clue who reads this), so I don’t want to go too much into my reasons….but a big one is that I am starting to feel a tug.  I know that what I want in life right now, that I can CONTROL, is:

• to do film, theatre, tv – basically any acting job that will take me.  Um, besides, you know, porn.  Not really on my TO-DO list.  No pun intended.  HEY-O!
• to do basically any print job that will take me (see above for addendum).
• to make money through a steady(ish) job that – THIS IS KEY! – does NOT have anything directly to do with the above two.
• to devote my fitness time to ME
• to inspire and build confidence in girls and women who might be going through some of the self-image issues with which I’ve dealt, or have family members like mine who use what I call CASUAL NEGATIVITY way too often, or who might not be dealing with either of these but who I can help dodge these issues (that grammar sucked).

As far as the first two are concerned: my first thought was “No, booking a job is ultimately not in your control, Katie.”

But ya know what?  YES IT IS.

When I listen to my gut (I know deep down when a call is “worth” dropping everything for), put the right energy out there, do my prep work, and KNOW that I have the job but I just haven’t accessed it yet…..then I’ve done my part and it is totally in my control.  If I didn’t get it, there’s a reason in the universe why.  Maybe it would have been a horrible experience.  Maybe it would have prevented me from being somewhere else at that exact time.  Whatever the reason, it’s in my control.

The second one? I’m so happy to say that, long night shift hours aside (meaning: leaving at 11pm), I am freakin loving the new job.  Everyone has been so wonderful to me, and for whatever reason, I feel totally comfortable being my gregarious, offbeat and somewhat cheesy-humored kinda self.  Case in point: my favorite tea at RFD is a Kukicha Tea, which we happen to get for free.  This makes me happy.  So happy, that every time I pour myself a cup, I sing “Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad…..hot kukicha….”

Every.

Time.

As I’ve expressed before, for a while I had a mental block on working at a restaurant.  Been there, done that, didn’t like it, unmotivated people, stereotypical LA Actor job.  But everyone here has a purpose outside of the restaurant.  Has a passion.  Has a profession (or is working towards one).  Is not a cynical 19 year-old (nothing against 19 year olds).  And I get to interact with people and be around a part of the food industry I am passionate about (health-conscious, vegan) and deal with like-minded customers (not overly crunchy-granola, slightly crazy very specific about what they like to eat/how they like it) and I know that my CAREER doesn’t rest on what I do or do not do.  It’s nice.  It’s refreshing.  It’s awesome to be a cog in a wheel and have specific rules and regulations when in the rest of my life, I am required to create my own and literally WRITE the KATIE MANUAL.

Numba-Three: although I like to spin, and I like it a whole lot, sometimes teaching makes my workout something I HAVE to do instead of what I WANT to do.  I have NEVER (for a long period of time, at least) felt this way about exercise, and it scares me a little.  Makes me scared of burn-out.  Makes me scared I will revert back to my 18-year-old holycrapsixminutesontheellipticalareyoufreakingkiddingme mindset and body.  Already it gets me half-assing my workouts more than I have done in the past….and I don’t like it.  It’s affected my mood, my body, and the way I treat myself outside of my Nikes.  I am thinking I need to regain control of my fitness as far as owning it for me, and not for someone else.  I worry that this sounds selfish, but honestly, it kinda is.

And as for the last point? Years ago, back in 2007/2008, I started an organization called WANT – Women Against Negative Talk.  The facebook group is still around but has not been touched for eons, if you wanna read the mission statement. It aimed to banish the casual negativity we so often use in day to day life, saying things like “my thighs are huge” in the same way we’d say “the sky is blue.”  It’s something that’s definitely an epidemic in my family… Anyway, I had a kickass website, shirts, tank tops, business cards, the whole shebang.  Copyrighted and everything.

Then, with no locked-down business plan and a lack of funds and experience, it kinda fizzled.  I want to get it back up and running again.  So I’m working on that.  I’d also love to get involved with Girls On The Run in my area…..or be able to do some work for the Campaign For Real Beauty….or start up an entirely new project…..or something….

I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish through this post.  But some changes are coming, and I’m pretty sure they are for the better.  Actually, nix that.  The changes happened.

I just haven’t accessed them yet.

……………………………………………………………..

On an ENTIRELY off-topic note, I think My Year Of The Side Part is over.  And that, my friends, is the kind of profound thought I will leave you with this fine Monday morning.

Off to work after a FANTASTIC few days off. Go enjoy the rest of your Sunday….and if you’re feeling blue, just grab some bubble gum and become an obnoxious 11 year old valley girl for a few seconds. You won’t regret it