Dreams

Sunday night, I had a very vivid dream…one that had me shaken up all day (not in a freaky-deaky kind of way; in a pensive thrown-for-a-loop kind of way).

In my dream, I was at a print agency; a pretty big one if I remember correctly.  I was in a waiting room with a bunch of other people of all types.  A couple men, mostly women.  I had a headshot and resume with me (I think?), but I noticed most people had incredibly elaborate displays of themselves.  One guy had a poster-sized laminated collage of pictures, with quotes from all his glowing reviews typed out along the borders.  One girl had maybe the most comprehensive book I’d ever seen.  I felt a little uneasy, but figured that if they wanted to represent and work with me, I was standing right in front of them….I, not a showy poster, was their product.  I was called into the room, and there was a man there (and a woman, I think) who I guess was the big-time agent.  He looked at me and my flimsy pic/resume.  He asked if I had anything else with me.  I said no.

Then he told me,

“There is no way you are going to succeed here; I don’t have a place for you.  You’re only going to get success if you move to New York.  That is where you will make it.  Not here.”

I woke up completely scared.

Scared that this dream-person might be right.

I had been feeling at a career standstill for a bit, but had NOT been contemplating New York; not even in the least bit.  So it’s not like I had been thinking about it before bed and it popped up in my dream.  Literally came from nowhere.

The thing is, when I awoke, I didn’t feel confused.  I felt like I had been given an answer.

The logistics of moving to NYC are a bit tough, but not NOT-doable.  I would probably move home for about three months, continue working and save all my money, travel to NYC with my dad (he goes on business a lot) to scope out places I could live and find a job, then move around April.

My friend/coworker asked me a very smart question when I told him about my dream and potential plans.  ”What is it about New York that you feel is different for you than it is here?”

I thought for a sec.  Smart guy.  I knew I liked him.

I came to a few conclusions……

1.) There is a homogeny here in Los Angeles that there is not in New York.  I feel like people try, and are expected, to fit the industry here instead of for the industry to fit them.  I feel as if there are a trillion of my type here in Los Angeles.  And skinnier.  Prettier.  With more “connections” (as in….fathers and mothers and uncles and sisters who can influence the casting process).  It’s just a feeling….but I feel more unique every time I am in New York.

2.) Yes, competition is fierce in both cities.  The difference is that people have become sort of lackadaisical about it here and just accepted it as “how LA is,” making it just another part of daily life here.  Jobs look down on actors and artists in general.  They don’t pay very well, and it’s almost unwise to tell a potential employer that you are an actor/musician/etc because they automatically associate that with laziness, unreliability, etc….a negative connotation.  In NYC, and I could be wrong but this is how it seems to be from what friends have told me, employers WANT to help entertainers.  There are jobs beyond the ones in which you’re earning the bare minimum, and they look at their need for employees and actors’ need for a steady income as a “help-me-help-you” scenario.

3.) I have led a pretty safe and familiar life thus far.  I went to school mere hours away, live in the city where I grew up (well, not the same area, but close enough), and my family is close by.  I feel like this is the time to be adventurous.  I am not even 25 yet.  I am not in a relationship, don’t have kids, have no real obligations other than those to myself.  The time is now; not five or ten years from now.

Also, almost all of my closest friends are in NYC.  I miss them every day.  I miss having a big ol’ group of people at my disposal, all with whom I feel extremely tight.

I also asked myself if I had exhausted all of my options here in LA.

The answer: NO.

I haven’t tried living anywhere besides the Valley and the Westside.  I haven’t begun my improv classes yet (which I’m starting in January).  I was at the Roger Waters concert last night (Tear Down The Wall!!) and am just now waking up mentally, so those are the two biggies I can think of at present.

I think I might really just be wanting to start fresh.  I don’t know.

All this being said, I would never jump into a huge decision like this without preparation.  Most likely sitch’?  The scenario at the beginning of this post.  We just got word that our property management company won’t let us keep the rent incentive rate we had last year – which is about $175 less!  I can’t afford a higher rent.  So moving is something I need to think about no matter what — whether it is home, back to the Valley, or into Hollywood/West Hollywood.  I could also check out Silverlake, which is ENTIRELY new territory to me and could fill that newness craving.  If it’s within my budget.

I am loving parts of Santa Monica.  I love the ocean.  I love my beach runs, which have gotten me running between 15 and 20 miles per week.  I love that I can avoid the freeway.

But.

Basically, I think my dream made something very clear, something that has been under the surface and I’ve been denying: I deserve more, I deserve the best choices for me, I deserve change.

Advertisement